For the past few years, the word I was so determined to own, to encapsulate my 365 days, to redefine my path was: fearless. I wanted "to live in spite of the things that scared {me} to death." To leap even when I could feel myself crumbling. To push past the doubt and the thoughts convincing me not to do the thing. Every year was going to be the year when things changed. I would be better; I would take fear by the hand and run straight towards the unknown. I would catapult myself into the exact thing that made me want to shrink back and hide. "This is the year," I would tell myself, "Things are going to be different." I romanticized the thought of actually standing in a face-off with my fears. I envisioned what it would be like, to address the things that shattered any ounce of comfort I found in the running away. I made Pinterest boards; I wrote blog posts hoping sharing my 'resolutions' with the internet full of strangers would encourage me to follow through with my plans. I even wrote a blog post about it! I encouraged others to take the plunge despite how crippling the fear can become.
I made a valiant attempt; I'll give myself that. But, talking (or writing) about conquering fears and making the effort to do so aren't quite the same. On the one hand, you're making a point of addressing what is hindering you and acknowledging its presence in your journey, a necessary step to take. One must be able to name the thing that overpowers oneself to take steps to move past it: "Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself." On the other, however, by making an effort in actively fighting against what is keeping you from succeeding you're getting closer to where you need to be. You need to be actively warding off your demons. Otherwise, you're aiding in their cause of your downfall. That's where this years word comes in. For the past two years, I've been closely following the writer, speaker, and blogger Hannah Brencher. She does writing webinars, and I've had the privilege of attending a few. The word, and the lesson, that continually popped up during those discussions was discipline. No matter what the webinar was focused on, discipline was the word she always went back to. If I'm honest, I struggled with the idea of it. In a recent Monday Morning email, she addressed my exact feelings on it: "We normally associate the word with rules and structure. We think of it as a stuffy term that doesn't lend itself to a good time." The thing about Hannah is she knows exactly what you're thinking. She even said that there would be those participating in the classes that wouldn't apply what she was so desperately trying to get us to understand. We'd take the class and then not gain from it because we weren't following through. And guess what? She was right. I was incredibly determined, during those classes, to prove her wrong. I knew, in the back of my mind though, she was right. I tried to fight the idea of becoming more disciplined. My schedule is too hectic and varying from week to week to follow a routine. If I want this, I'll figure it out another way. I never did though. Life has a funny way of passing us by while we're busy falling short of our goals and ambitions for ourselves. It's so easy to fall into a less than beneficial routine: sleep, eat, work, watch TV, browse social media. Day after day. It had started to take a toll on my creativity, my motivation and frankly my confidence. 2017 was a year of stagnant mediocrity. I lost myself and my voice somewhere along the way, and I didn't know how or when the cycle would end. I knew Hannah was right. I knew what I needed to do to make some real changes. I had her advice running through my head all year. Discipline. I need to form a routine. I will only get better if I sit down every day and write. Write something. Anything. A word. A sentence. A paragraph. Anything. You don't need a new year to take life by the reins and run full speed ahead. You can start over whenever you want. I do love the idea of using the new year as an excuse to begin again though. So, that's what I'm doing. I've set goals for myself. Specific goals, both personal and professional, big and small. Real change is going to take place, I can feel it already. I think you not only have to become disciplined, but you have to be realistic about what you expect of yourself. Take what you want to do more of, what you want to improve on, what you want to bring back into your life and set reasonable ambitions. Do what you know is possible to leave room for yourself to go further than what you intended. That way there's no room for disappointment. It's about setting the bar at what is realistically achievable but also giving yourself room to go above and beyond. Here are a few things I've challenged myself to do this year: I'm going to write every day even if I don't feel like it (journaling). I'm going to read at least a book a month. I'm going to get at least two blog posts published a month. I'm putting these out into the universe, but I'm also going to discipline myself to follow through. I'm ready for 2018 to be my year. The year I make actual changes. This is it.
4 Comments
Kaleigh
1/10/2018 11:54:19 am
You go girl!!! This is awesome!!! So motivating. Your determination and self “discipline” is going to inspire everyone who reads this!!!!
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11/28/2019 09:24:07 pm
Seeing all these things that you plan to adopt this year; I have nothing but respect on you. Acknowledging that you are not perfect and there are things that must be change to you takes guts. Not all people are brace enough to admit to themselves that there are things to change. But in your case, you have written all your plans, and I couldn't wait to see things to unfold. I am pretty sure that you can do it because your determination is what will bring you there!
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1/25/2020 03:31:09 am
This year has been a tough one for me, but I managed to do it. Sure, it wasn't as great as people thought it would be, but it is fine. I feel like the motivation is part of what allowed me to get through all of this. I will try to make something happen with the year that is approaching. I plan on doing everything that I can to make my year a little bit better than last year.
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