I haven't been doing this for very long and already I'm criticizing myself. Comparing my blog to people who've been working at there's for years.
I feel I'm holding myself back. From opening up about the ins and outs of my life. I think I'm afraid to reveal too much so I keep my posts short and to the point. I want to delve deeper, to see what I can come up with and then I stop myself. I realize what I'm doing and take a step back. Why am I so closed off? I want this to be a creative outlet. I want it to be somewhere I can discuss my thoughts, the things I'm going through. Then I remember I'm not the only one reading this. There are people I've never met that can access this and I think that intimidates me. I know family members know of this blog so I'm worried of saying too much.
I want to update more but I'm rarely inspired. I'm afraid maybe writing isn't my thing. It's not something I feel the need to do. It's not something I find I can get lost in. What if it's not my passion? What if my passion will only ever be dancing? The one thing I know I can't make a living doing. I can say there are moments when I want to create something. I get this feeling and it makes me overwhelmed with happiness, like it's pouring out of me. But I don't know where to channel it. I want to write but I am at a loss for words. I don't always find words flow through my fingers. I struggle to find the right thing to say. I can never really pinpoint or get out what I truly mean. I want to write more than just a sentence or two of what I'm feeling. I don't feel I know how to say what I'm thinking. It all comes out sounding the same and it's frustrating. It's like I'm rewriting the same thing in a different order.
I literally just feel like screaming from a rooftop (as cliche as that may sound) because I don't know what I want. I graduate from college in a year and I'm still finding myself. Why do some people know exactly where their life is headed and then there's people like me who think they know what they want? But we actually second guess and doubt everything on a daily basis.
I've been told I'm a beautiful writer but I have a hard time believing that. I read blog posts or papers of fellow peers and am blown away. How do you find the right words to explain anything? I am so envious of people like Taylor Swift who have a way with words. She can not only write a masterpiece of a song but in interviews you can tell she chooses what to say very carefully. How? How does one do that? I feel like I haven't experienced life enough. Do I need to get out more and see more of the world? Am I too sheltered? Whatever it is, I need to figure it out. Soon.
Never forget the essence of your spark!