 Last weekend, the 60th Annual Grammy Awards, one of music's biggest nights, aired on CBS. There were some incredible performances including Kesha's powerful and inspiring rendition of her song Praying, Pink's raw, artistic performance of her song "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and Logic's words in support of women and immigrants. Esteemed artists like Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars were amongst the winners of the night bringing home the Grammys for Best Pop Vocal Album/Best Pop Solo Performance (Ed) and Album of the Year and Record of the Year (Bruno). There were a few controversies this year, including the number of male winners significantly outweighing the number of females (there was one female winner), but one, in particular, resonates with me
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 For the past few years, the word I was so determined to own, to encapsulate my 365 days, to redefine my path was: fearless. I wanted "to live in spite of the things that scared {me} to death." To leap even when I could feel myself crumbling. To push past the doubt and the thoughts convincing me not to do the thing. Every year was going to be the year when things changed. I would be better; I would take fear by the hand and run straight towards the unknown. I would catapult myself into the exact thing that made me want to shrink back and hide. "This is the year," I would tell myself, "Things are going to be different."
It’s kind of cliche, the 24 things I’ve learned in 24 years. It’s a staple for birthday’s, but I’ve never actually written one myself. I’ve experienced so much, and yet I have a lifetime ahead to look forward to. I just wanted to take the time to acknowledge and share a few of the things I’ve learned so far…
 I tend to overuse the word “inspiring.” I am easily attracted to hard work, the journey of how a person got from point A to point B. The small details of their life before and how it led them to build the life they now live. Positive influencers are like a drug for someone like myself. Someone who has big aspirations for herself. Someone who wants to believe that “good things come to those who wait. But better things to come to those who work for it.” Stories of people who made something out of nothing. Stories of rising to the top because of the refusal to let anyone, anything or even oneself get in the way.
 When I was fourteen years old my musical palette was limited. Before I entered the doors of high school the music I was exposed to was the oldies station my mom listened to in the car, hand me down cd’s including but not limited to Britney Spears, N’SYNC as well as Hilary Duff, a pop genius that to this day I still jam to. I had yet to develop my own sense of taste when it came to melodies, lyrics and the singers that brought them to life. Not long after I found my little group of comrades in my freshman year did I learn that I needed to up my game if I was going to fit in. And that is where this love story begins.  You look at me and you see a “good” girl. You size me up, from the way I talk, to how I dress, even my mannerisms, and from that alone you come to a single adjective. As if that is the sole distinctive thing about me. As if you could know absolutely everything there is to know about a person with a solitary phrase. The words slide off your tongue “you’re a good girl,” snarkily. You've found one defining thing about me, and to you, it’s drowning in negativity. You stamp this label on my forehead and then you sneer at me.
 I thought about you today. Not in an "I miss you" sort of way, but in a "you used to be in my life, but now you're not" way.
I think about you quite often actually. When I'm driving to work and and my thoughts bring me back to a memory of you, when something funny happens that I think you'd appreciate, when anything happens I remember how you were always one of the first people I told. It's interesting how someone can go from being a part of your everyday life to being a complete stranger. At one point you were someone I went to with everything. Your thoughts and advice were important to me. I took them into consideration and they were a part of how I made decisions. What you thought and how you felt about something influenced me more than it should have.  {Disclaimer: This post was inspired by Lauren's, check her out she has a lot of wisdom to share}
A little backstory... If you follow me on twitter, you'll know that I sometimes tend to go on little rants. Positivity rants are what I like to call them. Rants about self-love, rants about fighting for your dreams, rants about spreading kindness and rants about how much potential is living inside of all of us. This all started when I was introduced to DOY back in 2013. Cydney, the founder, had created a hashtag called #selfworthwednesday where every Wednesday positivity would be shared through the hashtag via social media. When I started following Cydney, seeing the way in which she was incredibly supportive and loving towards me and other total strangers was captivating. She poured out so much goodness into the world I knew I had to be a part of it.  Fear [feer] (n): a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
Heights, spiders, the dark, what do they have in common? They're fears. We all have them. I bet you can think of at least one... An eerie chill suddenly slides down your spine without hesitation. You are in full on panic mode: palms are sweating, your heart is now increasing speed at an alarmingly accelerated rate, and you feel the moisture from your perspiring body attach itself to your clothing. Have you ever felt so afraid you went numb to every feeling in your body? One minute you're laughing without a care in the world and the next it's as if the world around you is spinning. You can't see or think straight because something in you has triggered fight or flight symptoms. What happens when you come face to face with the one thing that frightens you the most?  "And so, they lived happily ever after..." Happy endings, we love them, we live for them, we curse stories that don't end with them. From the moment we are introduced to books and storytelling we become consumed by the idea of a 'happy ending.' Every Disney movie, fairy tale, and children's book ends happily, loose ends tied up and all. It's probably why we're so fixated on the idea of happiness in general. Every young person's goal is to "end up happy." That's all we want, to be happy. Because, from a young age, we're exposed to things concluding happily and perfect and all neat and tidy. Sure, the characters go through their ups and downs, but ultimately their story ends on a good note, a happy note if you will.
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Maire26. INFP + Hufflepuff. Stories have always been my safe haven. I hope my words can be the same for you. Categories
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